Monday, December 27, 2010

Three Cheers

1.
“Shit, I’m late for my appointment.” I said out loud when I woke up and saw the clock

I tossed some old jeans and a shirt on and rushed out the door.

I raced to my car and started it up. I pulled out of my driveway pretty damn quickly. I was more or less racing down the highway. I shifted my eyes to the cigarette lighter in my car, punched it in, and turned my focus back to the road, but it was already too late. I was about to be in a head on collision.

Our cars collided with a bone shaking crash. I was thrown around the in the front seat, when the lighter popped out and landed on my left hand, it only touched it for a moment, but it tore away a layer of skin and burned the next layer down. Our cars kidded off the side of the road, we were spinning and sliding. WE finally came to a stop, I looked around me and saw my door was unblocked; I took off my seatbelt and got out. I was clambering toward the road when I remembered the other car. I turned around and saw some smoke; I started to run forward but slowed down, and just stood and stared. The other driver was a girl, in her early twenties, absolutely beautiful, and she had ice blue eyes. She saw me and started screaming. After her first screams, the car quickly started to envelope in flame.

I shouted to her “Things are better if I stay.” I could feel her eyes boring into me, questioning, pleading. “I can’t help you, the fire is too hot.” I continued

After a few moments I yelled again

“I’m so sorry!”

She yelled something back but I couldn’t hear her. Seconds later the car completely erupted into flame. I heard her screams, I could still see her, and I watched that girl die.

It’s been three months since the accident, 3 months since I’ve slept, 3 months since I’ve gone to work, and 3 months since I saw her face. For the past three months she was all I could think about. I ate her memory, I cried her memory, I bled her memory I slept and breathed her memory. Her name was Helena, she was pretty, well liked, and because I couldn’t keep my eyes on the road, she was dead. She haunted my dreams and my thoughts. I had an idea, something to take this guilt off of my chest.

When I got out of my bed the next morning, I headed right for a church. I had to confess to the priest, or pastor, or minister or whoever would listen to me. I got in and headed right for the confession booth. There was no one in there but me for a few minutes.

The door beside me opened and through the screen I saw someone sit down.

“How long since your last confession?” the man asked me

“I’m not even religious, so never.” I replied

“Then why are you here my son?”

“I need to get this guilt off of my chest.”

“Go on, I am listening.”

“I killed a woman… not directly. We got into a car crash, I was driving my vehicle and she was driving hers. I looked at my cigarette lighter in the car for a moment, and when I looked back at the road it was too late, we collided, and she died, trapped in her burning wreckage, while I escaped with a few cuts and a burn. She was beautiful, talented, loved, had her entire life ahead of her, and she’s dead. While I’m sad, pathetic, ordinary, useless, not going any where’s in life, I have no friends or family to speak of, and I survived, why am I left here and her gone?”

There was a brief pause.

“It is all in Gods will.” He said at last

“What?” I said suddenly furious

“I refuse to believe that some Divine Power, let me live, and took the life of that girl.” I continued

“It’s part of His plan for you.”

“You’re saying that God LET her die? LET her suffer, LET her burn to death?”

“Yes”

I was sick to my stomach I had to leave

“Excuse me; I can’t accept that, I have to leave.”

“What’s your name my son?”

“Icarus” then I got up and left.

It’s been 5 months since the accident, 2 months since I’ve been to the church, 6 weeks since I’ve slept, and 2 weeks since I’ve started my own following.

I started out attending meetings for people like me, survivors of fatal accidents. I met others who like me, refused to believe God had taken the life of another rather than theirs. They were all like me; they weren’t worth the air they breathed.

Tonight, me and the other survivors; my followers, have planned a protest, a protest to God. Others listened to what I said, they agreed with enthusiasm to my ideas. WE started to hold nightly meetings, where I would stand in front of a podium and lecture all those who attended. The clung desperately to my words, they trusted my judgement, I told them I would find a solution, and tonight, I present our solution, a mass suicide. No one had said a single word against it.

I stood there at the podium delivering my final sermon in the abandoned warehouse we held for our gatherings. In front of me were about 70 people waiting for me to say when.

“Tonight,” I started my voice full of authority

“Tonight, we stage a protest. We are all survivors, we survived when we shouldn’t have, and we survived because of Gods will. If we could trade our lives for the other, or others who died we would.” My words were met by a murmur of agreement.

“So what if us, those who were meant to survive, all died? Gods will, would mean nothing!” yells from the audience followed my words.

“So tonight, we lift these glasses of poison to our lips and defy His will! So drink, drink my brothers and sisters, my sons and daughters, my mothers and fathers, lovers and liars. Drink in defiance!” I screamed at them

I raised my mug to my lips, emptied it and shattered it on the ground.

Cheers erupted as the others followed suit and shattered their mugs on the ground. Some bodies fell immediately others staggered about.

I watched as my followers one by one dropped to the ground. I watched as they writhed around in pain and agony, some moaning, some cheering, but all of them dying. I clung to the podium for strength. Once they had all collapsed and ceased to move, I let go of the podium and crashed to the floor, my stomach tightened and my sight grew dark.

On the ground I turned on my back and held my arms outstretched, palms towards the heavens, I grinned and with my final breath yelled “Thank you for the venom!”

2.
Dom was not always a religious man. Little known to the people who seek his spiritual advice, he was once a small time serial killer. Only having killed 3 people in seven years, he was never a high target. He turned to religion after reading the bible he took from his last victim; at the time he thought it was funny a hooker carried the bible with her. He sat and read through it, and came to realize, god was powerful, and there to help.

            Dominic has since changed his ways. It has been eight years since killing a prostitute, six since hitting one, five since buying one. It has even been years since he last thought about killing them. He truly believed he would never hurt or even want to hurt another person. He was half right.

            Today was Dom’s day for confessional duty. He watched a young man enter the booth, and then he entered shortly after. Dom saw the man seemed a little deranged, and after their conversation, he knew he was in fact deranged.

            “How long since your last confession?” Dom asked him.

“I’m not even religious, so never.” he replied

“Then why are you here my son?”

“I need to get this guilt off of my chest.”

“Go on, I am listening.”

“I killed a woman… not directly. We got into a car crash, I was driving my vehicle and she was driving hers. I looked at my cigarette lighter in the car for a moment, and when I looked back at the road it was too late, we collided, and she died, trapped in her burning wreckage, while I escaped with a few cuts and a burn. She was beautiful, talented, loved, had her entire life ahead of her, and she’s dead. While I’m sad, pathetic, ordinary, useless, not going anywhere in life, I have no friends or family to speak of, and I survived, why am I left here and her gone?”

There was a brief pause.

“It is all in Gods will.” Dominic said at last

“What?” the man said suddenly enraged. “I refuse to believe that some Divine Power, let me live, and took the life of that girl.” he continued

“It’s part of His plan for you.”

“You’re saying that God LET her die? LET her suffer, LET her burn to death?”

“Yes”

The young man started breathing deep and heavily.

“Excuse me; I can’t accept that, I have to leave.”

“What’s your name my son?”

“Icarus” Then he left.

            Dom went home disquieted. He felt like he had failed horribly at helping Icarus. For two months he felt worse and worse, almost in a panic. Icarus’s arguments burrowed deeper and deeper into Dom’s mind. He hit his breaking point when he saw Icarus’s picture on the front page with the headline, “Cult Leader, Organizes Mass Suicide” Dom dropped his cup of coffee and fainted.

            Could he have been right? Kept drifting through Dom’s mind as he slept, and dreamt. He dreamt of lips, gloriously red like blood, the red changed throughout the dream, fading, and fading, until it was gone. Dom woke up knowing gods will would be done today.

            The day was bright, almost too bright to hear, and Dom noticed, almost too loud to hear. He walked to the church in utter silence. He saw something new; he saw bright auras erupting from people as he kept walking. Some were of colors unimaginable to the human mind.

            Tonight was a fundraiser meeting and everyone who attended had a gloomy grey shroud around each of them. Then in came the woman, words would not justify her, like gigantic could never describe the universe. Almost, but no cigar. Her aura was bright red, blood red, and quickly fading. Dom was alarmed at this and stared at her, she must be dying soon. She nodded towards the door with exes fixated on Dom’s stare. The pastor said something clearly meant for Dom’s ears, but he could only focus on that aura. The woman got to leave, not glancing back. The second the door closed behind her, his feet began to move towards them.

            “Excuse me father” were Dom’s fleeting last words.

            He hurried outside and when he saw her entering an alley he saw her aura was almost gone! Please god let me help her, he though. He saw the vampire by the aura surrounding it, before he noticed the pale skin dark eyes and murderously sharp fangs. He could see this creature had a gun in his back waistband. The beast followed her in the alley. “Lord gives me strength!” he shoulder checked the beast with such force it went flying to the ground a few feet away. It looked up at Dom and snarled...then pounced.

It leapt for him, but he side stepped just in time as claws slashed through the air where he had just been. He stuck his foot out and tripped it, using its speed against it. Putting his hands on the vampires back, he managed to throw it to the ground with a bone crushing force; three teeth fell out of its mouth. Dom sprinted for the gun which had fallen out sometime during the melee. The vampire was fast and tackled Dom just as he had brought the gun up to bear. They both went flying the vampire landed on top. With blood pouring down his face, onto Dom’s, it proceeded to make sure Dom’s face was no prize winner either. Dom was pinned, but when his fist began to grow hot, hope filled him. He struck out at its shoulder, and punched through it as the flesh that connected with his hand turned into ash. At the vampire’s screech of pain, faith filled him. He took this opportunity to drive his fist into its chest, driving it off, hitting its legs. The creature was soon a half living wreckage of tissue and cinders. Dom considered this a victory for Good. But the shot through his back after turning it to the half dead vampire begged to differ. He stumbled to his knees warmth flowing down his back and chest, then blackness.

Dom muttered, “I never told you what i did for a living”

3.
                I don’t know why, but tonight seemed like a good night to go out. So I grabbed my purse, put on some comfy shoes and walked out the door. My feet led me to the church, I don’t know why, but I never questioned wherever I ended up, I like to think I’m here for a reason. I walked in and sat down at the back in a seat close to the door. One of the first things to catch my attention was the man standing up front beside the priest. He was handsome with a very intelligent look on his face. Then, as if reading my thoughts he turned and his eyes found mine seconds later. I kept staring out of shock before I put my head down in embarrassment. Out of my peripheral vision I could see that he was still looking at me. Knowing this I decided to apply some lip gloss a little provocatively to make myself more appealing. I wouldn’t mind going home with him though; I raised my head and saw he had one eyebrow raised questionably. I gave him a very affirming look, letting him know exactly what my intentions were, and then nodded my head towards the door. He looked at me and nodded a tiny bit. As I got up to walk out the pastor was saying how this night couldn’t be possible if it was not for the man beside him, his name was Dominic. It suited him.

I went outside with one last glance in his direction, and went outside to wait, I saw him come out as I was about to walk down an alley that headed in the direction of my apartment. I didn’t see if he was coming or not when I walked down the alley. I kept walking down the alley progressively slower, waiting for him to catch up. After a little while longer I heard a gunshot echoed behind me. I figured it was time to go home before the owner of the gun decided to come down this way. Dominic could wait.

I got home and quickly went to bed I didn’t realize how tired I was. I woke to the sound of a stressed alarm and realized I had slept in. I scrambled up and shut off the alarm, then threw on the clothes that were closest to me, and ran out the door. I had an important meeting that I was already late for. I ran out to my car and set out for my office building. As I sped down the two lane highway, I realized just how slow the car in front of me was going, if I was going to get to the meeting before it ended I had to pass this car. I turned on my signal lights and went into the next lane.

Everything happened so quickly, the first thing I noticed was the front end of a car, racing down the highway towards me. Then I went spinning off the road and was being thrown around in the front seat as I slid down the side of the road. Both cars were still screeching when I came into a sudden stop because of a big tree. Once I got my bearings I realized the other car had pinned me to the tree. The impact of both the collisions left me unable to move, and left me barely breathing. I tried to move my legs, but a piece of twisted metal had fixed itself into my right leg. The blood was starting to flow freely; I could even feel the warm feeling pouring down from my mouth. That’s when I realized how potent the smell of gasoline was inside the car. Until smoke starting to filter in, I had not realized I was trapped inside of a car about to erupt in flames. I started to scream for help, looking frantically for the driver of the other vehicle.
Help me! I cried out Can you hear me? Are you near me?
Then I saw him staring wide eyed at me and the quickly developing flames. He had no intention of helping me. His face had that same intelligent look to it as Dominic’s. And before I knew it I was falling in love with the man, this man that refused to help me.

If you carry on this way... I started to whisper
Things are better if I stay He shouted suddenly
I can’t help you; the fire is too out of control. He continued

Until then I had not realized how warm it was. My skin was burning and could feel the flames licking at me. I continued to scream in pain as this man watched me die. He was shouting something to me. I didn’t know why but the only thing I could think to reply was “My name is Helena!”

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Armor For Sleep

1

Out of all of my possible options, it’s hard to believe this was my best one. Speeding down the road, only gaining more speed, I swerved in and out of traffic to avoid hitting the other cars. They don’t deserve my fate. The turn overlooking the lake was coming up fast, faster than I thought it would. Meters turned to feet as I smashed through the guardrail and over the edge. As the car plummeted off the edge I thought to myself “Maybe no one will notice, maybe no one will care.” With that final thought I crashed into the water.

 The lake was shallow, but the car quickly submerged regardless of the depth.

 There I sat waiting for the car to fill up with water, waiting for my lungs to beg for air. I’m in a car underwater with time to kill, thinking back, I forgot to tell her this. “I don’t care that she left and abandoned me, what hurts more is I would still die for her.” This isn’t fair to her though. I bet she’ll just blame herself, Leave it to me to burden her again. I hope she believes the note, that this is not her fault, she should just forget me like everyone else did, and not think back on me at all, she just let me fall.

 So here I am in a car underwater with time to kill.

2

I woke up back in my bed, fully clothed and soaking wet. Moments ago i felt my lungs screaming for air and my brain begging for death. I know I’m not alive, but still, why am i in my bed?

I went downstairs to see if mom or dad were home. Mom was home, but not awake. She had a bottle of sleeping pills in one hand, and a bottle of gin in the other. She wasn’t going to wake up.

I walked to her body

"I'm sorry mom; we both knew i wasn’t worth this, i told you not to believe in me."

And i walked away from her body.

Dad wasn’t home, he wasn’t at work either he was passed out in a holding cell and the police station. I walking in unnoticed among the men in uniform and went to the cell.

"I’m sorry dad, you may have needed me, but mom needed you last night, and you weren’t there for her. I told you not to believe in me."

As far as i was concerned i only had one more stop to make...

I went to her house, to find her sleeping with the blankets above her head. I sat on the foot of the bed. It never creased under my weight.
“I'm sorry i left, i couldn’t handle my reality though, that’s something you need to understand. I told you so many times not to believe in me, all i did was push you away."

As i got up to leave she started to sob. I walked back to the bed and stood in front of her she started to cry harder. I lifted the covers and took off my shoes as i lay there next to her.

I never had the gift of holding on to you,

I want to live again

I want to start everything over again.

3

You don’t see me.
But I look okay to you.
You hold out your hand expecting me to shake it again.

We both know I’m dead.
We both know that I’m still here.
I don’t follow where you don’t want me.
I know when you need to be alone.
Sometimes I’ll leave you for days, wander away from your bed, kind of like right now.

Those analysts are trying to pry into my brain, but I’m already gone, only two people know why I did it. You and me.

And now I’m running back to you, I miss your face, voice and tears.
I just need to see you now.

But it’s raining now.
And the thunders catching up to me.
Anything to keep me away from you.
I bet there’s a killer up ahead.
Waiting for me to walk by.
Anything to keep me away from you.

The stars are falling soon.

To break up the road.
Anything to keep me away from you.

I’ll scream at them.
I’ll stand and ill bleed.
Nothing will keep me back.
I just need to see your tears.
I don’t care about anything else.

Right now, it’s you, just you that I need.
I want to share the same air.
I want to breathe what you breathe.
Just wait for me to come back.

4

As i begin to float away from her bed, towards, then though the ceiling; i knew it was time to go. There was nothing left to see or hear. Everyone had moved on, some more than others. They moved on, and now so must i. as my head began to pass through the ceiling slowly, she turned on her back opened her eyes and lifted her hands to the air, for a split second, our fingers touched. I could not have just imagined it, because her eyes widened and her mouth opened and emitted a low wail, like something very important just slipped out of reach. After i passed through her ceiling then her roof i was floating above my old town, the lights began to flicker as i ascended, then they faded...then disappeared beneath the clouds.

I exhaled one long deep sigh, one that let me breathe out my pain, not the pain of longing, the pain of not being longed for. I could see her face still in my mind’s eye and it showed no longing, just frustration. My last memories of the living would be one of frustration. I began to laugh, not even quietly, i simply howled with laughter. How stupid could i be? This was all just one big joke, in a line of never ending pranks that followed my entire life. I mean, did anyone ever hear a single word out of my mouth? Will my words ever me memorialized in any way shape or form? Of course they wouldn’t why would they? I kept climbing upward, into the great unknown, i definitely knew at that point i had never been alive in the first place, sure i existed, but no i never lived. My body began to convulse as i laughed, why hadn’t anyone told me just how funny this was before? They never heard a single fucking noise from my mouth!

As the laughter subsided i was still climbing, and i felt the first drops of rain, i felt it before anyone could have possibly knew it was raining on earth. As if struck by lightning (which i may just have been) i saw, not remembered, but i saw that first day, the real first day. The one in the car. Another funny thought struck me... Don’t believes the weather is perfect the day that you die.

Donor Card


Everyone in the small town of Ohio, Ontario watched the news with anticipation, tonight was the night that every year someone's donor card would be announced. While those sick in the hospitals submitted their tickets for the donor lottery, the townsfolk pretended like they were not afraid it would be their turn. Jack and Samantha were some of the few people who openly hated donor card day. They feared it, feared the power such a thing had behind the minds of people. They saw the fear, behind the anchor man’s eyes as he rolled on to each new segment, waiting for his producers to cue him to announce who was this year’s donor.


This annual contest had a few rules, no one under 18, and no one over 30. Gender, sexuality, preferences, and even health were all subjective. There were years where truly unhealthy people were the winners of the contest, and they really did not improve anything. In this day and age, that didn’t really matter though; weeks were just as valuable as years.


Jack watched the telecast with dread as Samantha rubbed his back, when he was young; he had against immeasurable odds lost both his parents to the contest when he was younger. Samantha knew this, and regretted every Donor Card day, because of what Jack would go through. She felt his pain, and she admired him for even watching the program every year. The digital clocks all throughout town simultaneously changed to 6:37.


"Now on to the important news for the night. As I'm sure everyone knows it is April 20th, our annual Donor Card Day, we have received the official name of this year’s winner. I will be announcing the name, after this short commercial break from our sponsors."


Samantha rose up from the couch "God i hate how they do that every year, I’m going to use the washroom quickly, let me know if i miss the name, even though they repeat it at least 10 damn times"


"Will do babe." Jack said smiling without showing his teeth.

The bathroom door closed behind Samantha, and seconds later the news was back on.

"Hurry up babe, it’s on!" Jack called out to Samantha.









2

Samantha came out of the bathroom when she had finished; finding her husband very sombre. Jack looked up at her bleakly. She knew it must have something to do with who won (or lost depending on your view point) the Donor Card lottery.

“Jack, honey was it someone we know?” She asked very cautiously, knowing how serious a subject it was to jack.
Jack opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, the anchor man repeated the name again...Samantha was shocked, to her disbelief, as must every other winner (or loser) must have felt. Her name had been called. She looked to Jack, than to the TV, where her picture was now showing, her high school grad picture. Jack, said only a couple words, but she understood the pain, and urgency behind his voice.
“Let me get my -” Samantha’s voice trailed off as Jack grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door.
“Get your shoes on, they’ll be here in minutes.” he said to her.
Sam knew this was true, almost everyone tried to run. Jack ran into the hall as she pulled her shoes on, and pulled the fire alarm. Moments later the halls filled with people, but all those who looked at Sam, shrank back to their room. This was not their battle, and Jack knew he couldn’t count on anyone to help them out. After her shoes were on, their feet were slamming down the hall, to the stair case.

They ran up to the top of their building, two steps at a time until breathlessly they emerged onto the roof.
“Quick, step onto the ledge!” Jack yelled out.
Sam quickly did what she was told, her mind still suffering from shock and awe. Lights began to flood the rooftop as news choppers hovered at the ready. Moments later the police stormed from the doorway aiming down their sights with tranquilizer guns. Sam and Jack were both completely overwhelmed by the heavy presence around them.

From the bullhorn of one of the choppers came a deep heavy voice.
“Samantha Petrellie, you have been chosen as the winner of the annual lottery, please come with us.”
“NO YOU SICK FUCKS!” Jack screamed out.
“You archaic stone age pigs! A life is not equal to another, one life is not equal to seven lives, or fifty lives even! Can you not understand the pain and suffering you cause not only the ones chosen, but every single person around them? I have lost my parents, both of them as I’m sure you know. Now you ask me to give my one love, so that a few cancerous, diseased and dying people can regain a resemblance of life?” Jack spat at the ground with his last words.

“You leave us no choice but to use necessary force” boomed the voice.
Shots began to ring as they took aim at Jack. Jack was too quick for them though, he leapt for his love, and in one stunning display of cowardice, fear, selfishness, and pain; Jack and Sam began to tumble to the ground head over heels.