Goofy Words

its 4 am, the coffees on.
the feelings have withdrawn.
im not upset, im not bemused.
the only thing thats different is my bodies abused.

i take the beatings im handed out.
another chance to redoubt
everything thats happened so far
my patience is sub par

the moon light glows
just like the sink overflows.
the windows open and the hose connected
to everyone but me this is unexpected.

Monoxide lullabies sing my brain to sleep
as they overcome and begin to seep.
im passive and willing
to let something else do the killing.

Plaster that goofy smile on now
and start to disavowe
anything anyone has ever said
just remember theyll wind up dead.

Ohio is for killers

Facebook, adding random people and making a modern crank call with some friends.
it cant be much better than this i thought to myself.
Me and my friend bill added this girl neither of us knows, and talked ot her on facebook chat. we fucked her around pretty hard, it was easy because she seemed mildly retarded. she was from ohio, a good 2 days drive from me i had no worry id ever see her. we were hitting on her, then rejecting her, then flirting, then swearing and verbally abusing her. it might be mean, but god she was dumb.

me: so you think im sexc?
kaylie:oh yea a real sex machine
bill: you like robots?
kaylie: there cool i guess
bill:you fucking robo slut.
kaylie: what?
me: we mean...we like your hair
kaylie: OH THANKS! it took me all day too do.
me: we cant fucking see your hair
kaylie: oh maybe you saw me earlier?
bill: LOLOL yea thats fucking likely.
kaylie: i dont like you guys
me: i thought you loved us long time?
kaylie: i think your cute, but your also mean.
bill: maybe you should teach me some manners?
kaylie: maybe with a fucking knife.
bill: LOL WTF
me: psycho bitch
kaylie: ill be over soon :)
*kaylie is offline*

Me and bill laughed to each other talking about how dumb she was, saying shed be over soon.
"does she know where you live?" bill asked me
"Well its on my facebook profile." i replied
Bill laughed :she lives in fucking ohio, the way she was talking about she was saying it like a city."
we stopped laughly shortly, and went to google and searched in ohio ontario.
a result came up...a small little township, about ten minutes from my town.

"how long has it been since she got offline?" i asked bill
"about like...20 minutes i think." bill answered me

headlights shone in from the driveway and moments later, the front door opened.
"Hello boys, im here for our date." said the voice that could only have been Kaylies.

i looked bill in the eye and said "This was a TERRIBLE idea!"

This was a terrible idea. Part 1. The introduction

The year us 2045, and just like all the old movies predicted, prisons are dangerously overcrowded. so the government has come up with a cruel but entertaining way to empty these prisons.Inmates who participate in this game are given special powers, but there not told what they are, or how to control them, subsequentyl some inmates are killed within seconds of the game, some within hours. If an inmate wins three matches in a row, they are set free. these games consist of 20 inmates, each with unique special abilities. once an inmate is killed by another, the killer will then aquire the deceased powers, potentially unaware of what they are or how to control them.

Now, Lets meet our contestants tommy!

School House Blues

Mike loved his job. he was a kindergarden teacher, he enjoyed forming and moulding the minds of the young, setting them on the right path to becoming a functioning member of society. make was in charge of a class of deltas, who required a bit of an unconventional education.

"Okay guys, thats enough work! its time for a crack break!| mike yelled out to the kids in the room.
they all cheered and gathered infront of him and waited for him to pass out the crack pipes. a chorus of "me first's" rang out. mike struck the loudest one in the face with his fist, sending the chilkd sprawling and crying.
"You;re crying? back of the line!" he scremed at the kid.

Mike proceded to hand out the pipes, crack rocks, and lighters to the children. Mike began to look at his watch to see if a record would be set today.
crash
nope not today.
mike apprached the child who had dropped his pipe, "Please sir, may i please have another pipe? the child pleaded.
"What, so you can break that one too?" and kicked the childs behind sending him sliding across the ground. "looks like someone needs a timeout." the child tried to protest but mike proceeded to place the child in a 2  foot cubed block in the ground and closed the latch. the childs cries instantly dissapeared.

Crack time otherwise went along quite sufficiantly. one other child had burnt himself, and mike taught him that if he were to burn his hand, he would be useless and out of work not being able to afford food. mike demonstarted this by not allowing the child to eat any lunch or snacks.the end of the day was drawing near and he could not find a single specimen to teach a lesson with. mike smiled to himself, he liked the days he didnt have to kill any children.

Full Moon Saga Part 1.

I opened the door and a cold blast of win greeted me with an aggressive howl. I proceeded to step out with my dog firmly attached to her leash. it was time for me to go to bed, which meant it was time for her to go out for the last time today. I stepped onto the porch and noticed the full moon, how bright it was, how absolutely everything was visible under its eerie glow. I walked down the steps of my front porch and proceeded to walk around my house to the backyard, were my dog did her business. Immediately after she stepped off the porch, she caught a whiff of something, an animal I guessed by the way her fur was raised on the back of her neck. She darted around the trail of scent she could identify, running back and forth and side to side trying to find the mysterious source of the scent. We walked along the brightly lit trail; I gave thanks to the moon for not making me turn on my outside lights and laughed lightly to myself.




We reached the back of my house, and she looked up, and sniffed loudly and just as quickly as she had found the scent, she darted away from me pulling the leash out of my hand. She ran to the back of the property, and as fast as she could run from side to side of the clearing I call my back yard. She sniffed at the ground again, and just as I ran to her and got the leash in my hands (no more one handed leash holding for me) a loud crack came out of the woods. It was getting close to winter and frost was forming earlier and earlier every night, so I just thought it was a normal branch breaking from the frost. My dog immediately started to bark, loudly, and tried to get away from me.

'Come on you silly pup, it’s just the cold.' I told her.

crack

another branch broke in the forest and my dog quieted down, and started to whimper softly. time to go inside I thought to myself.

crack. another branch, but this one was closer than the first two. my dog started to shake and I tried to pull her towards the front of the house but she wouldn’t budge, as if she was frozen in place.

crack

this time the sound came from slightly to our left, and my dog immediately start to pee. well it’s about time I thought and started towards the house again, half dragging her with me. Then I knew what she was whimpering about, and I knew what she smelt. from close by, a wolf (or maybe coyote I wasn’t too sure) started to howl. By close I didn’t mean I heard it off in the distance, this animal was maybe about 50 feet out to my left in the thick brush.



My dog took off before the howl was even over, like a spell had suddenly been broken. she tore out of my hands again and ran to the front. Freaking out I decided to follow her as fast as I could to the front door. the animal came crashing through the woods after me (at least I thought it was after me) and I sped up even more, pumping my legs like I don’t think I ever have before. I finally made it to the front door just as I heard this animal break through the tree line and onto my property. I locked the door, and ran to every lockable door and window in my house. then I went upstairs into my room and turned off the lights. I found my dog hiding underneath the bed. I tried to console her. and I realized just how silly I was being. I started to laugh, and turned on my room light and went back to consoling my dog, when I noticed a wet spot near her lower body, she had peed again. she must be absolutely terrified I guess. I laughed again to myself thinking about how I had probably been pretty close to pissing myself.



BANG BANG BANG

The animal was at my door, how could it make such a huge noise? I realized if it kept that up, it might break down the door. I ran to my walk in closet and pulled out my hunting shotgun, and then ran down to the stairs, it was still banging away, right up until I stood facing the door on my landing, it seemed to stop only then. after a few moments I started back up the stairs thinking it had gone away, but just as I did it started again. I stood again facing the door, the now soundless door and waited. I could hear it walking around on my porch its feet making distinct animal paw noises. it was growling too, a low, long, menacing growl. as I listened I realized it was pacing, waiting. I started to shake with fear, and sat down, deciding I could get a clearer shot if I was more stable. after a few seconds, it started to hit the door again, lightly as if trying to remind me it was still there. oh, I knew it was there all right. It was hitting the door at regular intervals. teasing me I thought calmly. I brought the shotgun to bear, and pumped it. as soon as I did the door and the porch were silent, no more noises. It must have known I meant business.

Seconds passes, then minutes, and still nothing. im being so rediculous i thought, but then again, that thing chased me, and pounded on my door. I stood up and walked slowly with my gun still raised to the door, i looked out the window and nothing was there, but i saw claw marks on the porch. i turned around and headed back upstairs.

crash

that was my glass door! it was inside the house! i reached the top of the stairs and sat there shaking and waiting for it to come out. waiting for it to come up the stairs.
"I'm up here!" i yelled out.
It came running towards my voice, and slowly started up the stairs to the landing. i saw its front paw, long, covered in sleek black fur, its claws were inches long, and the more i saw of its arm, i realized this was not a wolf or a coyote... now its second paw was visible. i was shaking like mad, what in the hell was this thing?
then came the head, long muzzle, teeth already barred. Those eyes...they were black. it turned to look at me and growled...i was on the verge of screaming, just looking at it made me want to scream. i shot. with the speed of lightning it moved out of the way, and as i cocked the gun, it jumped out, and started to run up the stairs at me, i had maybe seconds before i could feel its teeth against my neck, it hit the gun out of my hands, and slashed me across the stomach. i felt my blood course out over me spilling down onto the floor. i was now on my back, unable to even scream. this thing above me, biting me, tearing into me. this was my death.

My dog came barking mad out the bedroom door, and stood facing this creature. my dog jumped at it, biting its neck. the creature screamed and ripped my dog off throwing her against the wall. my dog got up, injured and bit its throat again, this time causing it to bleed everywhere. some of its blood started to drip onto me, and i realized it was black. as the two fo them fought, i got up, and crawled into my room. i threw my hands underneath my mattress, and pulled out a knife. my dog couldnt hold it off for long, that much was obvious, but as this thing would come for me, i would plunge this knife into its heart. hopefully killing it. i heard a large thunk and i knew it was my dog, god rest her, trying to save me.
"You son of a bitch, you motherfucking piece of shit come get me!" i screamed tears sprawling down my face. it came for me alright, i lay there knife at my side ready to plunge it into this things heart. it leapt at me, and i took my opportunity, i streatched out my arm as its body got near mine, and i saw the knife sink into its flesh, it howled like nothing ive ever heard before. its flesh started to burn, peel off of its body. it limped away and fell down the stairs. i felt something inside of me, pride? no this was a physical thing, it was starting to hurt, right whereever it slashed and bit me. i then noticed the bleeding had stopped and my wounds had begun to heal.

i looked down the stairs at the wimpering body of the creature, and before my eyes, it started to change, most of its fur and flesh were all around it, and i saw pink skin everywhere, it shrunk too. now it had a face, a human face. i looked on at this horror and all i could muster to say or think was.
"werewolf."

Do you mean it?

Be prepared, dont be scared
its just a new nightmare
im scared of loss, dont be cross
for this youve got a flare

your blood is dark
your wounds are deep
but that wont stop you will it?

This aint no park
i dont get sleep
unless i have a fit.

things have changed
wont be the same
not ever again.

your deranged
your not to blame
but ive just lost a friend.

this is hard, way too hard
that memory to discard.
its not replaced just an association
with a weak stomach and a nauseous negotiation.

i didnt sleep, i was scared.
you'd be gone
so in that room i didnt share.
you had the couch and i just watched was that wrong?

were both so far away.
like watching a play
your on the stage and i
am in the audience watching you walk by.

Calling

it was the first day of my last year of high school. i had lost weight over the summer and at the risk of sounding vain, i was looking good. i stepped on the bus feeling good about the year. i noticed some girls checking me out as i walked down the aisle. i blushed shyly and sat alone, i was not the most popular kid in the world. i got off the bus and went right to the gymnasium to get my schedule for the year. i looked it over and was happy i got all the courses i wanted and need to go to university. i headed to my locker, then i was off to my first class which luckily for me was study hall. i took my seat at the back of the class in the corner, all the desks were in groups of four and all facing each other. i sat down, opened my books and pulled out my ipod and started listening to some of the stranger music i owned. the teacher started to talk but i ignored him and decided to write some poetry

i sit here

my last year

I'm scared to start my life

it feels like it will never start

life is laced with ambition

mine have all but died.

i scrawled senselessly not even trying to form a theme, i was just writing. as i scratched out my last line i heard a muffled voice. i took off my ear buds and looked up. it started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought, then into a quiet word.

"Hello" barely escaped my lips.

"I asked what you were writing." she said cheerfully

i looked down at the page and saw my hand shaking. i quickly stopped it and she must have noticed because she started giggling.

"It's nothing i just write random little poems." i said to her.

"oh? mind if i read it?" she asked as she grabbed my binder from my hands. she read the last line out loud.

angels always sit at dawn

"That's weird." she said

"What is?" i asked her

"Why did you write about me?"

"I didn't." i replied half embarrassed by the coincidence.

"so you think I'm an angel?" she smiled

"i didn't write that about you, how could i know your name?"

"The teacher introduced me to the class."

"I wasn't paying attention." i admitted

Deciding to change the subject i asked to see her schedule, she handed it over.

"oh wow that's odd, we have all the same classes" i told her

she looked at me.

"really?" she asked holding out her hands.

i put the schedules into her hands and let her look them over.

"that's not very surprising actually." she giggled

whys that?" i asked confused

"You seem very creative, and these are all creative courses."

"oh aha." i replied blushing a bit.

we kept talking the rest of class until the bell rang. we gathered out books together and before we got up she looked at me, smiled, and asked me.

"will you carry my books to class?"

my heart raced.

"Of course dawn" i smiled and picked up her light books.

As we made our way to the next class the linked her arm to mine.

"since your my only friend here, I'm gonna need you to show me around and help me out." she said rather happily.

"there is not much to show but id be happy too."

When we got to art class we found two empty seats next to each other.

That's how it all started, we fell in love.

This is where her story ends.

"Watch out!" i screamed

"I'm free! I'm finally free!" she said as her body soared off the top of the school.

"NOOO!" i yelled running trying to hold her back.

she arced through the sky, yelling one long sorry, then she landed. by the time the ambulance got there it was too late, it was too late by the time she hit the ground.

i was a wreck, for months her ghost haunted my every waking moment. i always sat in her seat at school, i wore her sweater to sleep. everyone could see it, i was starting to lose it. i was a zombie, barely functioning, my eyes constantly red and puffy. as the weeks went by, school was coming to a close and we had to clean our lockers, i morbidly decided to clean dawns locker. i opened the locker, and it was empty save one note falling to the ground. i bent over to pick it up, and read it.

I'm sorry.

But just because everything is changing, doesn't mean its never been this way before. all you can do is know who your friends are, before you head off to the war. Call my name, and ill come back to you. this isn't the first or last or worst time this has happened.

i cried, constantly for hours and hours. i never showed anyone the note. what did she mean? how many times had i screamed out her name? i woke up early one morning at around 4 o'clock, i couldn't fall back asleep, so i decided to go visit her. i went to the school and climbed up to the place she jumped from. i sat there until i noticed dawn threatening to break.

it started out as a feeling, which then turned into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought, then into a quiet word.

"dawn?" i said, barely whispering...nothing.

"Dawn?" i repeated...nothing

the sun was going to break soon.

"Dawn!" i yelled out tears streaming down my face.

"DAWN" i screamed her name out over and over until i was breathless...nothing.

"If you don't come back to me, then I'm coming to you dawn!" i screamed at the sun.

i backed up from the edge of the school roof, about twenty feet. i took in a deep breath, and ran. i ran to the edge and as i screamed her name, i leaped from the edge, sailing through the sky, i shut my eyes, and continued to scream her name past my lips.

i was shaking, i was so nervous, so confused. i quickly looked down and wrote some words across my page. she sat down across from me, staring at me. when she saw i finished writing, she asked to see it. i pushed my binder over to her.

"Read it out loud please." i asked her.

"Now where back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

but just because they can feel it too

it doesn't mean you have to forget

let your memory grow stronger

till I'm before your eyes

you came back

when i called you." she finished slowly looking up.

"William?" she asked not sure of herself.

i smiled as wide as possible.

"I'm here dawn."

Chapter 1. They wont Believe

It was nice out, the stars were visible, and i was fucking high, and about to get higher. i was with a group of my friends, and we knew how to have a good time, i was a bit burnt out, so i slowed down with my friend bill. we were on our way to the soccer field to play roman goalie. the air was crisp, and every breath i took, was exhilarating. me and bill walked slowly behind the others, looking at the stars. bill stopped mid step and asked me what that white thing was. i looked over and noticed a star surrounded by a white cloud, it didn't look like a regular cloud. more like the trail a plane left behind it. we both stopped to look at the star. at this point we were wondering if it was moving or not, if it was a satellite. we saw it moving slowly but surely and deemed it a satellite, we had started to walk again, when we both looked back.

"Is it moving faster?" bill asked me

"I don't think so...wait a minute...it could be." i replied back.

"Why do you think its moving faster?"

"Maybe its a u.f.o" i joked

we both laughed at that, we kept laughing right until it sped up, a huge noticeable acceleration across the sky, it moved quickly for a few seconds, and as we looked on at this strange sight, it faded out, it didn't disappear behind a tree, or a cloud, it just got dimmer and dimmer, until we couldn't see it.

"What in the fuck!" bill yelled out.

i stood there unable to open my mouth, or make a noise. what in the hell had we just seen? we ran to catch up with our friends.

"GUYS!" i yelled out

they all turned around to see why i was yelling.

"we just saw a fucking u.f.o!" i continued

they all laughed at us.

"No he's serious guys." bill told them.

"You do realize you are both high, and probably saw a satellite?" said Mitch very sarcastically.

"We KNOW what we saw man, don't you fucking believe us?" i yelled out

"Sure man, of course we believe you think you saw a u.f.o" replied Mitch.

"Just forget about it man." he continued

bill and i let it drop, they wouldn't believe us. i don't blame them though, i hardly believe myself. we played our game of roman soccer. i was in net first, as i tried to block the roman candle shots from getting in the net, i kept looking back at the sky, hoping to catch another glimpse of the unknown. as i looked back up, i got hit in the chest, and then the leg in mid air by two shots. i fell to the ground laughing, and i decided not to look back up that night. we pulled out some joints, and decided to light them up.

i woke up the next day with a fuzzy recollection of what went down. i remember the u.f.o me and bill saw, but the more i thought of it, the more unrealistic it seemed. to many logical explanations for it to be something so incredible. i got dressed and went out into town. i decided to talk to bill about it. i got to bills house and saw his front door was open, i ran in to see if he was okay, i walked in and saw everything askew, the furniture ruined, glass shattered. i walked around cautiously when i stepped on a creaky floor board. and suddenly bill jumped up and swung an axe right at me. i jumped back terrified and screamed, i tripped over the broken glass and fell. the axe landed into the wall with a heavy thud. bill stood above me panting, almost crying.

"Jesus Christ I'm so sorry."

"what in the fuck is going on man?"

"They were here, They were fucking here."

by the tone in his voice, i could only assume who he meant.

"what we saw last night?"

he just nodded, he then walked over to his desk, and pulled out a portable battery operated radio, then proceeded to turn it on.

"-et to cover. if you hear this transmission, lock your doors, arm yourselves. a group of unknown beings have landed sporadically through the country, very few things are confirmed, but they have been seen dragging away humans. this is a recording, get to cover."

"what..." i stared at him, with questions in my eyes.

"I don't know, they took my parents."

bill then started to cry. i tried to console him, but i knew i couldn't. my own parents had died years ago, so i knew how he felt. we sat there, holding each other for what seemed like ever, when bill suddenly stood up.

"My uncle has a hunting cabin, 6 K's out of town, i have a key here, he has guns, lots of them, and lots of ammo there. if we can make it there we can ride this out." bill told me

"how do we know we can kill them?" i asked

bill walked over to one of his back rooms and called me over. i got up and walked over to his side, and nearly screamed from what i saw. there three of them were, they were small, had two legs and four arms, two of them were tiny, to of them proportionate to their body's. they had three eyes, one on each side of their head and one in the middle. they were all dead, with axe wounds all over their bodies.

bill looked at me and said "that's how i know."

TO BE CONTINUED

Paper Bag

Our hands held high

we leave our ambitions behind

and cry out 'Lord im ready to die'

our love in our chest

a large weight on it too

we cant decide what would be best

we scar ourselves constantly

we free ourselves consistently

so we feel less physically

we dont feel a little bit real

we believe no one else exists

we think were alone in this ordeal

i never feel lonely without you

but when we get close its apparent

this is too good to be true.

starving

patience begins to grip me tighter

this feeling is strong and its getting harder

to control myself, control this urge

i pray to god this disease to purge

i plead for his help once again

i curse out your name, and call you my friend

i hope these scars quickly will mend

then here comes my razor hungry again

eating its may across my skin

with every cut i bleed out my sin

let me repay you with blood

to reach forgiveness i have to let out the flood

im guilty, anything but innocent

but the razor is indifferent

it doesent care what i did then

its just hungrier than its ever been

it wants more than my flesh now

it wants to bleed me out

to allow it to feast

to finally kill the beast.

Dear God, save me

even if it is empty

show me your heaven

show me edens garden

show me that bare fruit tree

teach me that it is not just me

show me why i crawl

show me my downfall

sit with me in that old paradise

tell me stories of men and mice

tell me why were never satisfied

and i'll explain to you why i cried.

I hope im not a dissapointment.

i miss you.

infact i never kew you

i have no memories of us.

just childhood videos.

where you laugh and smile and hold me.

but thats as far as it goes for us.

i was too young

to remember you

to remember you passing away..

but here i am

almost 18

and i cant help but wonder

are you watching over me?

do you see all of my mistakes?

do see you all my downfalls.

do you notice how happy i make everyone.

i hope your not dissapointed

your son never raised me.

and neither did you.

but thats not your fault

i drifted away

all the time.

if you were here

what would we talk about?

would i ask you for advice

would i ask for your help

would we talk about girls

would you tell me about the good ol days.

would you ask me my troubles

would you buy me a beer?

or would i shut you out

and ignore you

like i do the rest of my family

im not close to them

i never have been,

i dont think i ever will be.

i feel all alone when my family is here.

i dont like them. or talking to them.

but here i am.

if your reading this.

if your watching over me

i wan you to know

i miss you

and god do i love you.

Tree a) and Tree b)

i was walking in the forest

all alone

and i noticed two things

the first thing i noticed

was this young green tree,

he was tall

but he never stood tall

he leaned forward with his face in the mud.

an arch in his back as he tried to stand up

as he tried to keep from going down.

then my eyes drew t tree number two.

he was old, he was dead, he didnt even have any roots.

what struck me about him.

was he was broken, and leaning on tree number one.

i wondered to my self.

if he knew what was going to happen

if he knew he would fall down.

i feel like he did.

he knew he was falling.

he wanted to stop it.

so he tried to keep himself up,

keep himself alive,

by maybe leaning on tree number one

tree number one was not strong enough

and now lives with this burden on his back

for his entire life,

he will always have tree number twos death on his back.

tree number one will never give up

but we all know it wont do much.

i walked away from this saddening scene

and i thought to myself.

i just cant stop falling.

is that a bee?

this july night is awfully cold

the summer creeping, making a move so bold

lest it be known to all that if truth be told

if you could save me, this hand i would fold

suicide is cowardly

suicide denotes bravery

and if i could remember clearly

i was born running away, you see?

there is one of two ways i like to stay warm

adding another cut to this hideous swarm

or ill drink myself stupid reciting my blame

but apparently all i can muster is slurring your name

this isnt fair

it never was

dont even try to pretend

im so scared

im just buzzed

i just need my friends.

swinging is so 70's

stay low, swing hard, swing heavy

im down, you start, im not ready

lets roll, dont stop, were almost there

lets just stop, well just forget, what our bodies feel like

we feel this now but we wont for long

we live in this town but we dont belong

dont call me by my first name

it wont help my notorious fame

im the lowest of the low

well not quite but you get the idea

im synonomous with sketchy

im just not a good kid

fuck authority, fuck what you know about me

everything you every heard about me is true

it doesent matter if its true or not

i probably did it

im a rock and roll punk who loves his drugs

ive been sober for awhile i think thats gonna change

im now who i am if i can think straight

im punch drunk in love with my old lifestyle

i was who im not anymore

art from the shadows and out like a light

now i cant fall asleep

i want the shadows to come back

ill give you a reason not to love me.

it all come back to this harlequined relation

i sit here bumbed and dulled

this pill erasing all the pain thats left

i left myself half but i go back for more im fucked

still the only thing that makes sens is that last treble cleft

im beside myself with pity and contempt

this line right here is nothing but a sad attempt

to free myself from this spell you have cast

set fire to the mast, i cant forget my past

the wolves are back and they bite at my heels

they dont understand what it is to feel or how to deal

i dont want to kneel, i want to know this is real

this feeling is sureal this pill quickly becomes my last meal

i hate to dissapoint you yet again

one after another its all a dead end

there just none of my honor left to defend

so i do what you want, like its my idea, i pretend

my thoughts are turning dull callous and cold

i gotta hold on to this idea lest i behold

an ideal of what is supposed to be

according to mee im supposed to be free

im a rogue angel fallen from grace

not knowing where, my sadness to displace

so i hold it all in until i commit my sin

then im stuck here swimming trying to break even.

we gotta stay high

if i am dreaming, then i am always alone, so this shouldnt feel any different.

if i feel more alone, maybe i am awake after all

just how alone can a man who sees his neighbor 200 feet away get?

how deep in yourself are you if you still here people sneeze?

its weird how the same scenery can change from one moment to the other

just keep your thoughts away from me and you will be fine

just keep my existence out of your mind

youll start to find it easy not to care

if im even there.

Kamp philosophy

As charisnatic as the clouds blocking the sun eagerly begging for time.

as comfertable as rocks underwater on the shallow coast

as brave as the bee who knows his own fate when stinging

as confusing as overlapping words scribbled on a page

as misplaced as a flutter fo snow on an august day

as abrupt as the sun breaking loose from its morning threshhold, to when the moon conquers the sky

as odd as gas exploding in violent fleurescent storms

is as strong as my love for her.

its all about me.

i told you it was alright

i told you not to cry

i told you to scream out

your last fucking goodbye

i told you this wouldnt hurt

i told you this would be over soon

i told you i loved you

i told you fucking lies.

ill watch you burn you bitch

ill watch as you collapse

ill watch your clothes melt off.

this is for your relapse.

you said never again

i fucking believed you

you said he was just a friend

ill stab you right through!

you said you knew

how i felt today

i found out you blew

his cock every possible way.

burn bitch burn

its now your turn

to feel this pain

in this fiery melting rain.

everyone you say?

i've recently learned

were all fucked in the head

one way or another

we sometimes wish we were dead.

everyones got a stroy to tell

about one time when they fell

and did something they might regret

most of the times it something they will not let go.

sometimes we think were the worst off.

that our lives are fucked beyong repair.

our looks are the worse for wear

but we need to remember

somebody does care.

maybe it matters to you or not

that someone cares about what you got

somebody wants to help you everytime you fall

someone who will help you crawl.

they wont force you to stand and fight.

theyll listen to your pathetic plight.

they'll hear about all your insecurities.

sometimes its hard to realise we have these people all around us.

and sometimes we just dont fucking care.

its hard to care when you cant stop the bleeding.

when you cant keep that razor away.

its hard to imagine any sense of relief.

when you keep cutting into your grief.

or do you drink until you cant remember?

because its so much easier to say you dont care when you cant remember why you cared in the first place.

Helena

WARNING: this story sucks

I don=t know why, but tonight seemed like a good night to go out. So I grabbed my purse, put on some comfy shoes and walked out the door. My feet led me to the church, I don=t know why, but I never questioned wherever I ended up, I like to think im here for a reason. I walked in and sat down at the back in a seat close to the door. One of the first things to catch my attention was the man standing up front beside the priest. He was handsome with a very intelligent look on his face. Then, as if reading my thoughts he turned and his eyes found mine seconds later. I kept staring out of shock before I put my head down in embarrassment. Out of my peripheral vision I could see that he was still looking at me. Knowing this I decided to apply some lip gloss a little provocatively to make myself more appealing. I wouldn=t mind going home with him though, I raised my head and saw he had one eyebrow raised questionably. I gave him a very affirming look, letting him know exactly what my intentions were, then nodded my head towards the door. He looked at me and nodded a tiny bit. As I got up to walk out the pastor was saying how this night couldn=t be possible if it wasn=t for the man beside him, his name was Dominic. It suited him.

I went outside with one last glance in his direction, and went outside to wait., I saw him come out as I was about to walk down an alley that headed in the direction of my apartment. I didn=t see if he was coming or not when I walked down the alley. I kept walking down the alley progressively slower, waiting for him to catch up. After a little while longer I heard a gunshot echoed behind me. I figured it was time to go home before the owner of the gun decided to come down this way. Dominic could wait.

I got home and quickly went to bed I didn=t realize how tired I was. I woke to the sound of a stressed alarm and realized I had slept in. I scrambled up and shut off the alarm, then threw on the clothes that were closest to me, and ran out the door. I had an important meeting that I was already late for. I ran out to my car and set out for my office building. As I sped down the two lane highway, I realized just how slow the car in front of me was going, if I was going to get to the meeting before it ended I had to pass this car. I turned on my signal lights and went into the next lane.

Everything happened so quickly, the first thing I noticed was the front end of a car, racing down the highway towards me. Then I went spinning off the road and was being thrown around in the front seat as I slid down the side of the road. Both cars were still screeching when I came into a sudden stop because of a big tree. Once I got my bearings I realized the other car had pinned me to the tree. The impact of both the collisions left me unable to move, and left me barely breathing. I tried to move my legs, but a piece of twisted metal had fixed itself into my right leg. The blood was starting to flow freely, I could even feel the warm feeling pouring down from my mouth. That=s when I realized how potent the smell of gasoline was inside the car. Until smoke starting to filter in, I hadn=t realized I was trapped inside of a car about to erupt in flames.

I started to screaming for help, looking frantically for the driver of the other vehicle.

AHelp me!@ I cried out ACan you hear me? Are you near me?@

Then I saw him staring wide eyed at me and the quickly developing flames. He had no intention of helping me. His face had that same intelligent look to it as doms. And before I knew it I was falling in love with the man, this man that refused to help me.

AIf you carry on this way...@ I started to whisper

AThings are better if I stay@ He shouted suddenly

AI cant help you, the fire is too out of control.@ he continued

Until then I hadn=t realized how warm it was. My skin was burning and could feel the flames licking at me. I continued to scream in pain as this man watched me die. He was shouting something to me. I didn=t know why but the only thing I could think to reply was AMy name is Helena!@

Legend of the Warming

NOTE: this is a legen/myth i wrote for anthropology class in gr 11

The gods created our world many, many years ago with one question in mind. What does it mean to be mortal? After the question was answered the Gods were amazed and granted the mortal race on the planet to continue to live there in peace on one condition. They had to prove their mortality once every 50 years. One child every 50 years unknowingly becomes the focus of the Gods, this child is put through 3 tests and if he fails any of them, the world will perish; throughout the trials the world will become increasingly cold, warm and violent. Once they are finished the world will go back into a state of peace and calm. The first recorded Legend of the Warming was written approx. 1500 B.C.

The world was in turmoil, the seas had become fevered with Hurricanes, and the skies fraught with lightning. The air grew warmer every summer, and colder every winter. The winds continued to grow stronger, and the lakes continued to dry up. The trees and the animals continued to grow weaker, and disease scoured the earth. These strange weather occurrences began on Servius’s 12^th birthday when he went walking by the dark woods and heard some screaming coming from the dark forest. His father had told him spirits dwelled in this forest and he should never enter it himself, but he summoned up all his courage and ran in to aid whoever belonged to the voice. Soon he encountered one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Servius confident because of his new age, decided to approach the women. The closer he got to the woman the uglier and more hunched over she became. When he was right in front of her, he asked the old lady what was wrong. She told him she had become lost and he must help her return home. Servius had always been taught respect for elders so he complied and walked her out of the forest and to her house. Once at the old woman’s house, Servius noticed she looked a little younger, and stood a little taller. The woman asked Servius to return to her house every day on his birthday until she died, she was such a lonely old woman.

One year later Servius returned to her house, and noticed she looked even younger and stood more upright than the year before she even had less wrinkles. They spent the entire day together until the sun went down. Servius told the woman that his father needed him home before dark, but he promised he would come back again. Servius returned unannounced to her house a few months later, and to his surprise she had become younger again, even gaining physical aspects of a younger woman with her more pronounced bosom. Servius’s Appearances became more and more frequent until his 16^th birthday, when she had the figure of a 16 year old girl. When she opened the door, it was obvious they were in love, and when he realized that if he left her, the next time he would see her she might become younger still. So he decided to never leave her, and with that final thought he kissed her. For 3 years they never left each others sights, when he finally did leave even for a moment she had not gotten any younger, she just seemed more beautiful to him. Servius had passed the first task, he had fallen in love.

For many years Servius and his wife had lived together but they had never conceived any children. When she suddenly became pregnant he became suspicious, one day he decided to follow his spouse to the local town, in town she had walked to a house and knocked at the door, a man answered and let her in. Servius knew she must be sleeping with this man, and in his fury broke down the door and stormed into the bedroom; there he saw this man and his wife making love. Servius pulled a dagger from his blade and approached the frightened couple. He turned to his wife and asked why she had done this to him? She replied she didn’t mean to it just happened. Servius turned to the man and asked how he could involve himself with a married woman. The man asked Servius if he loved his wife. Servius replied “Of course I do!” the man then said to Servius “Then you know how I feel about her.” Servius thought about it and re-sheathed his dagger and wished them both a happy life. Servius had passed the second task; he has understood and has forgiven.

Years passed and all Servius could think of was his lost wife, he did not go out with other girls, and hardly talked to anyone. When one day the man he had caught in bed with his wife appeared at the door. Servius asked him what he was doing here. The man replied that the gods had taken his wife and are going to kill her; they said only the man who truly loves her can rescue her. The man explained that if he were in Servius’s situation he would have killed him, but since Servius had loved his wife enough to let her go, he decided Servius should be the one to rescue her. Servius set out for the mountain range the man had told him about. He walked for days until he reached the summit, at the top of the mountain were 2 women, one old hunched over woman who has been tied to a tree, and a beautiful young women holding a silver sword at the neck of the old lady. Servius instantly recognized the old lady as his wife when he had first met her years ago. The second woman was the Goddess of choice. He approached the goddess and demanded that she return his wife. The Goddess asked Servius if he would rather have this old wrinkled lady or her, a young beautiful Goddess. Without hesitation Servius had said the name of his wife. Outraged the Goddess then asked him if he understood death. Servius replied that he did. The Goddess asked him what death meant. Servius replied

“Death is the end of a journey, be it a finished or interrupted journey.”

The goddess asked Servius if he had the choice of taking his own life in order to let his wife return to he new lover, and her younger form, or taking the life of this old lady in exchange for his immortality and marriage to the Goddess. Servius turned to his wife and asked her only one question “Were you happy with him?”

She replied with a nod.

Servius turned to the Goddess and told her. “Take this life, im right here, stay awhile and breath me in.”

The Goddess was confused about his meaning at first then realized; he understood his journey was to be interrupted. The Goddess swung her sword and cut off the head of Servius.

Servius had passed the third task, he had understood his own mortality.

The second his head left his shoulders, the seas of the world calmed, the winds died, the livestock multiplied and prospered the sky was no longer lit with lightning. Order had been restored

Random Lyrics

I)

This is the sound of a deserted mind

empty, (sublime)

cold, (divine)

this is the habit i dont want to break

everything i lose im ready to re-make

everything thats healed is just going to re-break

this is just too much to fake

Listen to this ferocity

commit this attrocity

become a monstrosity

become one wiht society

This is the sound of angry static

the sound of a love-automatic

the sound of a pain dynamic

but not the act of a panic

What did you do to the air

to let out this public scare

This just is not fair

II)

keep your eyes at the same level as mine

keep your hand placed firmly in mine

keep your heart beating fast against mine

keep your lips moving against mine

keep your tongue rolling against mine

keep this our secret

this wont last forever

soon you wont even ever

remember how i said 'forever'

and now your saying 'never ever'

Enough is Enough

NOTE: this story is dedicated to katerina power, my biggest fan.

"those people in the movies are retarded!" jeff told the people around him for the fourth time.

jeff took a drag from his joint before continuing.

"They do everything wrong!"

jeff stopped for a momemt.

"Wait a minute!" he exclaimed "You're not strangers!"

"No dug jeff we've been talking to you all night." cindy told him

"Well soooooorry cindyyyyyy." said jeff "Anyway what was i talking about?"

"How you would have done things differently if you were in a horror movie." jordan told him

"Oh, yes well...you see, i keep a knife on me at all times, just incase of attack! upstairs in my room though...is my equipment. if some guy tried to fuck my party up, hed be one sorry son of a bitch. i've got some rope, a gun, baseball bat, and a few trinkets."

"Jeff you are fucked in the ehad big time!" cindy laughed

"OH you'll see, dont even worry about it if im around!"

just then the 3 of them heard a scream from outside

"That sounds alot like alexa..." jordan said ominously

"what the fuck!" screamed cindy

"Alexa and mike went to the forest, im sure there just being goofs." jordan told her

"I'll check it out just incase" jeff said as he headed upstairs.

Jeff came back down and handed jordan a gun.

"Just in case." he said

Jordan just nodded.

Jeff ran outside towards the sound of the scream, when he though he was near he started to approach slowly. Jeff saw exactly what he thought he would.

Alexa and mike were dead, there bodies hanging from the trees. Just then jeff heard gunshots and screams from the house. then it was all quite. jeff knew his friends had jsut been murdered. so he decided to get to work.

jeff ran halfway back to his house and stopped between two trees and set up a trip wire with his razor wire that he kept in his bag. after he was done setting it up, he yelled out.

"OH NO! everyone is dead, what will i ever do!?!?!"

he quickly hid behind some nearby trees.

jeff soon heard the brush rustling as someone raced towards his voice.

they stranger let out a huff of air as he trippe don the razor wire cutting his shins deeply.

the starnger started to scream in pain, when jeff came out form behind a tree and brought the bat up over his head, bringing it down on the strangers face, knocking him out.

when the starnger woke up, he was bandaged, and tied to a tree.

"What the fu-" he tried to say before jeff punched him in the stomach

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" screamed jeff as he hit him again.

"who the fuck do you think you are? coming to my party and killing my friends? im gonna teach you a science lesson, do you know how many bones are in your body?"

"Why are yo-" the stranger was interupted agian

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" jeff said as he struck him in the face.

"NO i dont!" yelled the stranger

"Well let us find out" jeff said

"How?" asked the stranger

"Im going to break every bone in your body!"

jeff swung the bat at the strangers feet over and over, cracking every bone in his feet.

"I hope your keeping track because im not." jeff told him

jeff swung the bat at the strangers feet again, breaking more and more bones.

"Ok i think i got them all, lets move on to the legs now!" jeff told him very enthusiastically.

the stranger screamed out in pain as jeff broke his shins, the man passed out from the pain

"Ill just wait until you wake up before i continue."

jeff told the unconciouse stranger while smiling.

Homesick the play By: Justin Pulfer

Homesick

The Play

Characters:

Craigery Trousse

May Baume

Larry – Craigery’s best friend

Autumn – May’s Friend

Act 1:

Scene 1:

[Craig and Larry are in the guys’ washroom, they take turns guarding the door so that the other can crush pills and sniff them].

They talk about a party and how it’s not exactly their crowd but it should still be fun. May’s name pops up,

[bell rings and they both exit.]

Scene 2:

[May, and Autumn are in the girls change room getting changed after gym class, the last girls walks out leaving them alone.]

They talk about how autumn cousin has invited them to a party. They debate about doing e for the first time. They agree to do e but no drinking; Larry’s name comes up in conversation.

[Bell rings and they exit.]

Scene 3:

[May, and Autumn are at May’s house getting ready for the party.]

Discussing boys who will be there, after discussing Larry and Craigery they leave for the party.

Scene 4:

[Craigery enters his room with wet hair and a towel. He puts on his clothes and then answers his cell phone],

Larry is outside. Craigery invites him up. They make last minute preparations.

[They both take e and go to the party.]

Act 2:

Scene 1:

[The party is large with pop punk music playing; everyone is dancing, talking and partying. Some people are sitting. May + Friends arrive,]

Autumn’s cousin greets them.

[They walk to the far side of the party]

. After a bit of talking, Craigery and Larry arrive. They talk to all the party guests.

[Craig keeps looking back at may and she keeps looking back at him.]

Larry asks why they keep looking back. Craigery + May say the don’t know why. At the same time they say they think the e is kicking in.

[then they look at each other and make eye contact]

[everyone in the room except may and Craigery move down stage against the wall

they walk towards each other and the song changes to something upbeat. They start dancing after a few moments they walk towards and into a bedroom.

When may and Craig enter bedroom, partiers come up stage and spread back out.]

Scene 2:

[They walk/kiss towards the bed. The end up lying down and making out. Craig starts to take off his shirt.]

May: before you do that, I need to know one thing.

Craig: what’s that?

May: your name

Craig: im Craigery Trousse

May: Well Craigery, I am May Baume, nice to meet you

[They keep kissing]

Scene 3:

[may and Craig are lying down underneath the covers; Larry walks in on them, quickly followed by autumn. May is embarrassed, gets dressed and runs out of the room]

Larry: What’s with her?

Autumn: oh…I think she’s just kind of surprised…she doesn’t really do this often

[Craig gets up and gets dressed, he writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to autumn]

Craig: here this is for may, it’s my phone number, and can you get here to call me?

Autumn: sure whatever you want chief

[Craig and Larry exit, autumn opens the note and reads it, then putting it into her pocket then exiting]

Scene 4:

[autumn and may are sitting around Mays room]

they discuss the party

[autumn hands may Craigery’s’ phone number]

they debate about calling him

[may ends up calling him and they agree to meet at the local coffee shop.]

[exit autumn and may]

Scene 5:

[Craig is sitting at a table at the coffee shop, enter may]

they talk about the party the night before and what happened

may explains that she doesn’t do drugs often, but the way that Craig made her feel, she wants that all the time, Craig tells her that he can give her that, there is a whole world of experiences to discover. May tells him that is all she wants, is to feel real.

Craig: baby, im gonna make you feel alive

[Fade out]

Act 3:

Scene 1:

[Larry and Craig are sitting around]

they talk about how Craig’s parents are going away for a week and how they should have a get together.

[Craig calls may]

Craig asks may if she and autumn want to come over, over night all next weekend

[Craig hangs up]

Craig and Larry talk about what drugs they should do, they both agree on lsd

[Fade out]

Scene 2:

[Craig, Larry and may are in a washroom at school, taking turn crushing things, and sniffing them]

Craig talks about the philosophy of feelings.

[bell rings and Larry exits]

may asks Craig to stay,

[they start making out, leaving the drugs on the counter]

[a male teacher walks in]

Teacher: what are yo-

[Craig throws his sweater over the head of the teacher, grabs the drugs in one hand, May’s in the other and runs out of the washroom]

[fade out]

Scene 3:

[may and Craig run outside to the park]

the talk about how close of a cal that was

Craig tells may they need to slow down she has jumped into this lifestyle too quickly, and is on a slippery slope. May tells him that she needs to feel this way, it’s the only time she feels real.

[Craig pulls out a joint and lights it]

Craig: alright, we can keep doing what were doing

[passes the joint to may]

[fade out]

Scene 4:

[Larry, Craig, may and autumn are sitting in Craig’s room]

they talk about how Craig’s parents are gone, and how much lsd they want to take.

[they take there hits]

[smoke machine fills room with smoke]

[smoke dissipates]

they have a huge conversation about living in the moment.

May wants to smoke more, but everyone is very hesitant

[Craig decides to roll another and smoke it with her.]

As he lights it he says

‘well do some drugs, well fall in love, and get fucked up while the world just shrugs’

[fade out]

Scene 5:

[may and Craig are sleeping in the same bed, Larry knocks at the door]

Craig: come in

Larry comes in and tells them about hoe autumn left.

May is upset and gives autumn a call

[Larry and Craig exit]

may has a conversation with autumn about how she’s being stupid, there learning to live, she shouldn’t be such a square.

May: well maybe I only want to be friends with people who understand me

[may hangs up the phone]

[fade out]

Act 4

Scene 1:

[may and Craig are in a park lying down and smoking]

they talk about how Larry and autumn have kind of abandoned them, but they don’t need them, they don’t need anyone.

[Craig rolls over until he is kind of on top of may]

he tells her what he is really afraid of, he tells her how he believes he is in a coma or in some dream, and how nothing ever feels real unless he is high on something, he tells her that is what he imagines death would be like. One instantaneous lsd trip.

May asks why he is telling her this

Craig: im not perfect, I don’t have all the answers. Im falling in love with you, and I don’t want you to fall in love with me on some premise that I know everything. I know what I know and not a bit more. Im not invincible, im just as fragile as you.

[May takes a drag from the smoke]

May: I love you too

[fade out]

Scene 2:

[May and Craig are sitting in the principles office with the principle]

The principle talks about how they have been skipping class all the time, and he knows that they are skipping to do drugs.

May and Craig tell there principle, that no offense but they just don’t care, nothing matters, least of all standardized learning.

The principle tells them he has nothing he can do but expel them.

May and Craig tell him that is fine with them

[they stand up and exit]

[fade out]

Scene 3:

[Craig and may are sitting around his room smoking]

Craig tells her about how he hates being human, and how he hates living.

May tells him that she is ready to go to the end with him.

Craig tells her that he thinks if he were to kill himself, he would wake up in a hospital bed

May tells him there is only one way to find out.

[fade out]

Scene 4:

[Craig and may are both sitting in his room each of them smoking a joint]

Craig and may are laughing and talking about random chit chat.

Both of them mention their joint went out

Craig: do you think that’s a sign?

May: I do

[Craig gets up and gets his gun from his drawer and sits back down next to may]

Craig: so…do you want me to do you first?

[may nods]

[Craig raises the gun to her head, and then lowers it]

may: what are you doi-

[Craig interrupts her mid sentence when he élans in and kisses her, he kisses her passionately, after he is done kissing her, he tells her he loves her, and raises the gun to shoot her]

[he pulls the trigger, and May’s body slumps down, he proceeds to bring the gun to his head, and without a word pull the trigger]

[fade out]

Act 5

[it is Craig’s and Mays funeral, the only people there are Craig’s and Mays parents as well as Larry.]

Craig and Mays parents walk up to the caskets, and complain about how they didn’t understand, and they wish the could have helped somehow.

[exit Craig and mays parents]

[Larry walks up to the caskets]

Larry: we both knew it would happen eventually

[fade out]

FIN